Anyone there?

I have no idea if anyone will read this, stranger or not. I kind of hope not. Its been four years since I posted here and I am not even sure if anyone uses Blogspot anymore or if this is some sort of internet version of a ghost town, buried in weeds and dust. I didn't really want to go through the whole rigmarole of starting a new site and all that. Plus there is a history here, of which I almost deleted but ultimately kept for whatever reason. Posterity?

So its been four years. Four fucking years. A lot has happened. A lot of shit. Pretty much all shit. That's not true. Like 50% shit. That is more fair. I am going to use this as sort of a stream of consciousness/journal so if anyone is reading you have an idea. If anyone in my family is reading this, please don't comment or mention that you read this. I would be too embarrassed and it would ruin the authenticity if I decide to write more than this one post, which I hopefully will do. You are welcome to keep reading but I just don't want to know about it as I will think you think differently of me even though I know you don't. Not sure if that makes sense but whatever.

Anyway, a lot of shit has happened and 2015 really sucked. 2016 has been markedly better but I still get extremely depressed sometimes. I know she did me a favor by ending it, and even though I was relieved when she ended it, there is still a part of me that wants that life back. Not that I want her back per se, but that I want to try to relive it before it went sideways to see if I could save it. Most of me feels that I did my best to save it all, but there is still that small part of me...I want the house back. I want the happiness of being a newly wed couple with two dogs. I want that fucking linear life path that I strived for my entire life. I want the good times back.

This experience has forever changed me, as I suppose it should have. I sometimes have this irrational fear of dying young. I hear so many stories of people dying young, even close friends wives and family members. I often think, why not me? How have I dodged the bullet? Or have I? Will I make it past tomorrow? Or will I flip my car multiple times on the freeway? Or will I get a brain tumor? Are these the thoughts of a sane person? Do other people have these same thoughts and fears? I don't know. Its not really cocktail conversation so I don't really know if I am alone here. The only way I keep myself of having a panic attack is to just switch my mind over to something like music and try to not think about it.

This fear though, it has created a small fire inside me to see the world though. Not necessarily in a "travel the world" type way, although that would be cool, but just in a way of not wasting my life with bullshit work and bullshit activities. Or rather, non-activities like sitting on my ass and doing nothing. I want to go camping and hiking and back-packing. I want to take road trips and go overlanding in my 4Runner with Kingsley. I want to see the world. I want to experience the Earth. I want to experience....period. I don't want to look back in 30 or 40 years and say,"Well I had a good career. I'm so proud of all that I was able to accomplish professionally." Fuck work. I don't give a shit about it. I need it to pay for the things that I want to do and that is it. Nothing against those that find satisfaction in it, but I just don't. I want to work to live. Sometimes I feel like so many people work to pay for their cars and have their cars so they can get to work. As if it is some sort of awful wheel of misery. Its obviously more than that, but its all consumption. We work so we can consume. Do I need a 55" flatscreen? No, and I especially don't need the 42" in my bedroom. Not that its inherently evil, I just want my life to be more than that.

We all have to start somewhere I suppose, so I hope this is my beginning, or my recording of a beginning that began a couple months ago. More trips. More long weekends. More activity. More living. Its like a quote from one of my favorite movies. "Get busy living or get busy dying."

Force Fed the Familiar

It seems that no one these days has an original idea. This extends to many forms of media but I am specifically speaking about film. Every movie these days is either a sequel, prequel, reboot, redo, based on a comic, based on a book, based on a tv show, based on a board game (thats right, Battleship and Candyland are coming your way pretty soon), or some other rip off of a half assed existing idea.

Today I found out that there is going to be a movie based on the tv show Friday Night Lights. The insane thing is that the tv show is based off of an already existing movie, that was in turn based off of a book. So they want to make a movie that is based off of a tv show that is based off of a prior movie that is based off of a book, which is actually based on a true story. YIKES! Have we run out of ideas?

I took a gander earlier at what movies were currently playing in theaters. Here are a few of the titles that were out:

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - Both a sequel and based off of a comic book
Journey 2: Mysterious Island - Sequel
Underworld Awakening - Sequel
Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked - Sequel and based on a cartoon
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows - Sequel and based on a book
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol - Sequel and based on a tv show
The Muppets - Sequel and based on a previous franchise
We Bought a Zoo - Based on a book
Hugo - Based on a book
War Horse -Based on a book and stage adaptation of the book
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Based on a book
Puss in Boots - Sequel/spinoff of Shrek
Happy Feet Two - Sequel

That is not all of them either. Those are just the ones that were on the first page and I knew off the top of my head were based on prior work. That is insane to me. I don't understand why there needs to be this extreme need for familiarity. Will the masses not go to see a movie unless it has a familiar name or character? Is that how movies like Land of the Lost get made? Disney even made an entire franchise based on a ride in their theme park. I maintain that were it not for Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean would be a colossal failure, not unlike Disney's other ride based movie The Haunted Mansion (starring Eddie Murphy).

Once again, there are movies coming out for Battleship and Candyland. WTF? Battleship. BATTLESHIP! There is a movie coming out for Battleship. I cannot believe that.

I think I'm Alone Now

I think I am the only one who is taking his significant other out for Valentines Day. Today at work I inquired of a few co-workers as to where they were taking their ladies and got a myriad of answers. My favorite answer came from Joe our CFO. "I don't celebrate Valentines Day with my wife. I set up a standard early in the relationship for her to not expect anything." Wow. He then tried to convince me to bring home a Frostie and some chicken nuggets for Ashley on Valentines Day in order to "reset the bar". I have no words to express how much I would not and could not do that. Other responses included not celebrating on V-Day, not really caring about V-Day, and something about not caring and being low maintenance (from a girl in the office). I then went to the interwebs and asked my friend on google chat about where he was taking his lady. I got roughly this reply,"We are buying a house and don't want to waste money." I see the validity of wanting save money but is $50-$100 going to break the bank? I guess if they are both down with that then to each there own.

I guess what I am getting at is that it is really confusing and surprising to me that not one person I asked said they had plans. I will admit that I do like to make Ashley happy and doing something for Valentines Day will ensure that happiness, but I don't feel like I am overly "whipped". Is it so weird to actually celebrate Valentines Day? Its beginning to feel that way. Regardless, I have a nice little night planned for February 14th. Its a secret though so ssshhh....

Three's Company

Big news! We have imported our beloved brother, Benji, all the way from Smalltown, Florida and he will be staying with us indefinitely. That means VERY tight quarters in our little one-bedroom apartment for the foreseeable future. It also means lots and lots of good times ahead. Its going to be a blast having him around and I am looking forward to all the fun things the three of us will be doing that I can blog about. I can't wait!

PLAY BALL!

It is here at last! "What is here?" you ask. The softball season opener is here. I feel like it has been years since I last played. In reality it has only been 2 months. Regardless, it has been too long and I am so excited to throw the spikes back on start swingin' the lumber again. Last season ended with a little disappointment as we finished in 2nd place. The fire has been stoked again and we are out for blood this season. After starting to miss the MLB season a bit the past week, softball season starting will fill that void for now. So here's to my brethren in arms, The MOOSEKNUCKLES, and us bringing home another championship this season.

This photo can only bring to mind a quote from Anchorman when they have the street fight. "You dirtbags have been in 3rd place for 7 years!"

Back from the Holiday Break

Time has gotten away from me, friends, and I apologize. It has been much to long since my last post. I suppose I have some excuses (i.e. Christmas, New Years, out of town), but I am back now. It was an interesting holiday season this year. The lady spent her first Christmas away from her family, which was difficult as one could imagine. We tried to make up for it by entrenching her with tons of MY family. In retrospect, not sure if that helped or hurt the situation. :) I kid. Christmas Eve was spent with my mom and LaMar in Yorba Linda, with a little twist , however, this year. We were joined by pretty much ALL of my mom's side of the family including my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins(even our Navy Sailor John showed up), and our family jewel Aunt Margie. It has been a while since we have all gotten together during the holidays and I enjoyed seeing everyone.

On Christmas Day we got up early and went to my Mom's ward for church. It was great to see everyone there, especially some old friends I hadn't seen since high school. Ash and I brought all our unopened presents with us to my parent's place so we could all open everything together. I got two pairs of Tom's from my mom (red and black burlap) and a video game I had been wanting (Modern Warfare 3), but the real treat came from Ashley in the form of an AppleTV. My lady gets me, I tell ya. I hooked it up a a couple days after Christmas and am loving it. I will love it even more once we move and I set up my surround sound so I can listen to my iTunes music on good speakers. As for her, she got a new Marc Jacobs bag, new boots, and few a other nice trinkets.

New Years came and went without much of anything. We watched Gaga, LMFAO, and others rock(I use that term extremely loosely) NYC as well as the corpse of Dick Clark being controlled by strings. A quick kiss at midnight and off to bed. Sometimes it feels like we are so old we have kids in our 20's rather than actually being in our 20's ourselves.

As for the diet, it started off well, but soon got lost in all the hubbub of the holiday season and my trip to Denver(more on that in the next post). I am now proud to say that I am back on the wagon and am doing very well. My brother, Rex, suggested I keep my intake under 2000 calories a day, and that combined with a few cardio sessions a week would equal quick weight loss. I have decided to take the suggestion and am liking the process so far. In fact, my first day on the new program I only had 1500 calories. Weird huh? I guess that means I have room for a snack in the middle of the day like yogurt, fruit, or cottage cheese. Most importantly, it feels good to be back at it again. Nothing makes you feel more out of shape than being a mile above sea level.

Timeline Flashbacks

Facebook has now added the Timeline feature and it allows you to see your entire history with the site. Every post. Every status. Every tagged or uploaded picture. I started playing around with it tonight and was blown away by all the old memories. Most notably, I saw a lot of posts from or related to an old friend, a best friend in fact. It has been a year and half since we had a falling out and I don't think I am over it yet. I still think of him and about the whole situation quite often. I thought I would be over it all by now, but for some reason it lingers with me. Seeing all these old posts and pictures on Facebook makes the memories that much more vivid, and ultimately floods my mind with emotion. Anger? Yeah a bit. Pain? Yes. Mostly though, I just miss our friendship.

The hard thing is that there is zero chance of reconciliation, if I even wanted it. Most of me screams against any such notion. There is no going back. What's done is done and can't be undone. There is, however, a sliver of me, a small part that wants my friend back. The interests and experiences I shared with this friend are pretty much exclusive. No one else can replace him. Now that he is gone, I almost feel like a small part of those experiences are gone too. Typing that out and reading it sounds weird, but I don't know how else to put it.

I can't help but to think it is really unfortunate the way things went down. When I say unfortunate, I mean downright shitty. Its weird to think that because of one experience that a 10 year friendship can be destroyed. What if things had gone down differently? Who knows? I don't. I have definitely thought about it enough. Its been a year and a half, and I still think about it constantly. If I am being perfectly honest (which is what we are supposed to be on our blog right?), I have had multiple dreams about a confrontation with him. When I say multiple I don't mean 2 or 3. Probably more around 20 to 30. The entire thing haunts my friggin dreams. Will I ever get over this? I hope so. My sleep depends on it. :)

For now, it is Christmas weekend and I am looking forward to the time spent around my family, friends, and most importantly, the lady. I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend and appreciates the family and friendships they do have.

P.S. Sorry for the quasi depressing post. I think it is just something I have been thinking about for a long time and needed to get out of my head and onto paper(screen).

"No thank you...."

Behold my beautiful wife, Ashley. I know its kind of a random picture but it is one of my favorites of her. She is my everything. I show you this picture so you all can get a better visual of her and also so you can all be jealous that I get to fall asleep next to her every night, not only because she is beautiful but because on occasion funny things happen. One such occasion occurred a few nights ago. We had both fallen asleep and in the middle of the night I woke up slightly and rolled over. As I rolled over (now facing her) I was startled to hear her start talking. "No. NO! Absolutely not..........no thank you..." I don't know how I kept it together. I'm not sure if my favorite part was the hand wave when she said "absolutely not" or the calm after thought of "no thank you". What the heck was she dreaming about? What was going on in that brain of hers? I asked her this very question the next morning and we will apparently never know. She couldn't remember her dream at all. Bummer.

Just a short thought on sleep talking. I think the weirdest part, or most interesting, of sleep talking is the difference in experience between the person doing the talking and the person listening. To the person talking, they are obviously having a real conversation with someone, so they act and speak like one would in a real life interaction(versus how one would re-tell a story from earlier in the day). For the person doing the listening, all they hear and see is the one side of the conversation. It is a very odd experience hearing someone talk as if someone else is there, and engaging in a conversation you have no context for. Oh yeah, and it is all happening at 2 in the AM. A very odd experience indeed. We have already shared more than a few laughs over the whole thing since, and will continue to for sure.

This picture is from before Ashley and I started dating. I have always loved this picture of her though. It captures her personality pretty well I think. Plus I love how tan/dark she is here. Just wanted to share it with everyone.

Top 10 Albums of the Year

It is that time of year. Everyone is releasing their end of the year lists. Here is mine. I don't profess these to be the best 10 albums of the year, just my favorite. There should be a little something for everyone in here. If you are interested in any of them, check out the link. I picked my favorite song
from each album. Enjoy.

1. Defeater - Empty Days and Sleepless Nights
A shocker to myself and probably anybody that mildly knows me. Somehow, someway, this album was able to top Major/Minor. Empty Days is hardcore music at its best. One part The Who's Tommy, one part pissed off late 90's hardcore, Defeater's new album tells a story about two brothers in a post WW2 era New Jersey. The lyrics are so strong it is easy to get swept up in the story in a very cinematic way. The ten song album also includes an extra 4 song ep of sorts of strictly acoustic songs. These 4 songs are phenomenal. If you aren't into hardcore at least check out the link below for Brothers. Did I mention they put on a hell of a live show too? Defeater - Dear Father Defeater - Brothers

2. Thrice - Major/Minor
Most everyone that knows me is not surprised to see this album on my list, however they are probably surprised its at #2. Major/Minor picks up where Thrice left off with their last album Beggars. What they have added is more layers and a slightly upgraded production. Major/Minor is a bit more dynamic than its predecessor as well. This is an album I would feel comfortable recommending to pretty much any one. For a more in depth discussion check out the post I wrote about it here. Thrice - Words in the Water

3. Manchester Orchestra - Simple Math
Simple Math sports what is probably my favorite song of the year in its title track. The album as a whole takes the listener on quite a journey. It is definitely reminiscent of my favorite Brand New album, Deja Entendu, but with more layers and a slicker production. Some reviews I read were not fans of the string arrangements placed in some of the songs, but I actually was a big fan of them. If you are looking for a good alternative rock album that is ready for the radio but offers a bit more than what is being offered on the radio then this album is perfect for you. Manchester Orchestra - Simple Math

4. Nick 13 - Nick 13
This album is definitely the dark horse in my top 10. Nick 13 is usually heard as the lead singer for Tiger Army, a punk/psychobilly band. On his first solo album, Nick 13 offers an album full of country gems that would satisfy any fan of Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, or Hank Williams Sr. What makes this album stand out is his voice and the stellar backing band. I don't presume to know anything about country music, but from what I have read, Nick 13 has assembled a who's who of country backing musicians (peddle steal, drums, fiddle) and it definitely shows. Anyone with an open mind would love this album. It is a very timeless record and one I will be listening to for years to come. Nick 13 - Nashville Winter

5. Balance & Composure - Separation

Oh Separation, this album still confuses me. I can't decide if it is a rock album with a hardcore edge, or a hardcore album on Xanax. At times Balance & Composure remind me a lot of the late 90's "emo" acts like early Jimmy Eat World, The Get Up Kids, and Texas Is the Reason. At other times though, Balance & Composure channel their inner hardcore and put up some pretty heavy rock tunes. There isn't any screaming per se, but it is heavy nonetheless. I saw them a few months ago and all the songs sound just as good, if not better, in a live setting. Balance & Composure - Quake

6. Touche Amore - Parting the Sea Between Brightness and Me
Talk about emotion. Touche Amore gives probably the most emotionally draining release of the year. At its heart, this album is essentially a punk rock album. As far as I can tell, there is only one chorus in the whole album. One of my favorite things about this album is that it is 13 songs, but the album length is only a tad over 20 minutes. That means songs that are short and sweet. Touche Amore - Home Away From Here

7. La Dispute - Wildlife
Wildlife might be the most unique album I listened to all year. The strange thing is that it is vaguely familiar to material by one my favorite bands in At the Drive In. Wildlife is a concept album where each song is essentially a short story. This is one of the albums where you want to pay close attention to the lyrics. The vocal delivery is a large part of the greatness of La Dispute. Watching them open for Thrice was a treat. La Dispute - King Park

8. The Devil Wears Prada - Dead Throne

Heavy. Not for those with sensitive ears. The Devil Wears Prada have followed up last years purely awesome Zombie EP with probably their best album. DWP are doing their best to separate themselves from their peers in what has become a watered-down joke of a metalcore scene. For those who like themselves from metal, this is an album for you. Everyone else need not listen. The Devil Wears Prada - Vengeance

9. Make Do and Mend - Part and Parcel
Talk about your last minute inclusions. This was barely released at the end of November. Part and Parcel is an acoustic EP consisting of acoustic versions of 4 previously released full band songs, a cover of a Touche Amore song, and one new song. I had low expectations for this release for some reason. I guess I didn't think they would pull it off. Boy was I wrong. MDAM's last album(End Measured Mile) came out in December of 2010, but was not discovered by me until January. If I was going to include December 2010 in this list, End Measured Mile would have been #1. I am glad I loved Part and Parcel so much because it gives me a reason to put them on this list anyway. Make Do and Mend - Unknowingly Strong (Acoustic)

10. Junius - Reports From the Threshold of Death
This album snuck up on me in 11th hour. I just came across it in the second week of December. That will tell you how much I enjoy this album. Two ways to describe this album. 1.) It sounds like The Smiths if they formed a metal band. 2.) Kind of a cross between the Deftones and Isis. Either way, its slower, its heavy, and its melodic. I like it. Junius - A Universe Without Stars

Darn Kids With Their Darn Loud Music!

A recent musical phenomenon has been racing across the internet and I can't go another minute without addressing my hatred for it. The phenomenon is known as dubstep, and its terrible. Think of a guy that has synthesizers taped to his hands and feet, falling down a flight of stairs that is 4 minutes long. That is what it sounds like. I like to consider myself as someone who has a large music palette that stretches from punk rock to hip hop to classic rock to electronica and everything in between. I have often prided myself on my ability to stay with the times and find new music in new genres and sub-genres that I enjoy. Lately, dubstep has me feeling a bit like a crotchety old man complaining about the loud music the kids these days are playing. If it gets any worse I'll be yelling at kids to get off my lawn.

There is not one part of this that sounds remotely like music to me. That is coming from a guy that calls hardcore punk his favorite type music. Hardcore punk is home to shouted, yelled, or screamed vocals and traditionally basic song structures. There are of course many bands that have incorporated melodic vocals (Ignite, Rise Against) and/or more difficult song structures (Botch, Cave In, Dillinger Escape Plan), some even mixing jazz into equation (Refused). While I don't agree with it, some have dismissed this music as "just noise", but to the critics I say, if you are not into the style of music, you can at least appreciate the fact that these bands are playing their instruments, some very well. Defenders of dubstep has explained that the song structures are very advanced and use complicated time signatures. Big deal, it is created on a friggin' lap top. Part of what gives music "life" is the fact that it is played by actual human beings. If you can program the bass track to be on a 5/4 time signature, who cares? Thats very different from a drummer who can play his drums at a 5/4. This is not to say that I have no appreciation for electronica, because I do.

There is something to be said for a song that you can dance to, or something that simply just sounds cool. Blink 182 and New Found Glory are the examples of this in the pop-punk world. Nothing new. Nothing exciting. Nothing difficult to play. But damn its catchy. I think there is something to be said about a band that can write a hook. This goes for a lot of DJ's in the electronica world. There IS something to be said about coming up with a catchy hook or cool beat. There is talent there. All I mean to say is that the complicated song structures in dubstep seem to lose their luster when you consider it is created on a computer. To me it is more impressive that someone can play a few chords and keep a simple drum beat.

Furthermore, I don't have a degree in music theory. I admittedly don't have the best ear. I do think, however, that I have a better ear than most people that aren't trained musically. I find it extremely difficult to count beats and to break down songs. If I can't do it, who can? Musicians and people who have studied music in school. Thats about it. I often hear people refer to a band as a musicians band. Like the band Yes. Most people that like Yes are musicians and appreciate the musicianship in their songs. Is that was dubstep is? A musicians electronica genre? Maybe I am wrong, but I doubt most musicians and people who have studied music would like dubstep. Its just terrible. To complete the post, I will leave you with an example of dubstep so you can make your own judgement. If you are like me you will get 30 seconds in and want to turn the guns on yourself. Either way, I am curious to know everyones thoughts.

I'm Part of the 300 Club

I hope to look back on this week in a year or two as an important week in my life. Something was brought to my attention that I can't ignore. I can't turn and run away either. Well...I do need to do some running, but actual running, not the metaphorical type. They always tell alcoholics, or at least in the movies they do, that you have to admit there is a problem before you can fix it. This is me admitting it to the world (luckily only 12 people read this blog).

I weigh over 300 pounds. There it is. I said it. It doesn't feel good, like when they say it in the movies. I think the weirdest thing for me is that in my mind I am about 220. Growing up I was always outside riding my bike till the sun went down and playing baseball and football year-round. I went through a chubby stage in middle school, but other than that I was always in good shape and skinny, relatively speaking.

I honestly don't know what happened. Maybe that is problem in fact, that nothing happened. I stopped playing sports, working out, caring about what I ate, and worst of all got a job sitting behind a desk for 8 hours a day. Not to mention got married (my poor wife).

Regardless, I am here and I am massively over weight. I always looked at obese people and said,"How did they let themselves get like that? If I ever got over 3 bills I would get my ass to the gym and work out." Well folks, time to put my money where my mouth is (ya know, instead of more food). Its go-time. Its get-my-butt-to-the-gym-5-or-6-times-a-week-time. Its eating-healthy time. Lastly, its your-muscles-are -going-to-be-sore-for-at-least-2=weeks-straight time.

What is that? I mean, I know what it actually is (kind of). We have all felt it before. You haven't been to the gym in months. First time back you go balls out and feel great that night. Next day you are a bit tender but still feeling like you accomplished something and are being reminded of it with a slight soreness. THEN, the day after that you feel like you were hit by a train. WHAT IS THAT?! Is it natures cruel way of welcoming you back into the healthy world? Is your body trying to tell you that the gym is bad and eating endless amounts of mac n cheese is good? Because that is what it feels like. You'd think that if working out was good for you that your body would feel amazing after doing it for the first time in months. I digress.

All I know is that I am going into BEAST MODE for a while. I can't say for how long, but it will be long enough so that when I am done you won't recognize me. Here's to me and my health. To not getting Diabetes before the age of 30. To being able to climb some stairs without getting winded. To being able to shop at Urban Outfitters. To fitting back into my old clothes (I have a couple pairs of Seven and Diesel jeans just wasting away in a my dresser). Here is to sticking to the plan.

By the way, I hope some of you didn't continue reading this post hoping to hear about me walking around shirtless wearing nothing but a loincloth and an oversized red cape.

I also added a little poll on the right hand column regarding whether you guys want to hear about my journey or not. Truth be told its also a way to gauge how many people are reading. If you don't comment, at least take 2 seconds to answer the poll question. Much love.

Obligatory Thanksgiving Post

I suppose it is customary to write a post about what I am thankful for on Thanksgiving. With so much going on in our lives, it is nice to sit down and reflect upon all the blessings we have. This blogger especially, has a lot to be thankful for. First and foremost, the lady I get to fall asleep to every night and wake up every morning to (except when I snore, then I am banished to the couch). I love my wife immensely and try to tell her that every day. A lot of people use the cliche "I don't know where I'd be without her". I know exactly where I would be; single and miserable. I was just thinking the other night how a lot of my friends that I hung(hanged?) out with before I was married are still single. When I was single I always thought that I would be the last one to get married. Weird how that works out. It has been a year and a half of marriage so far and I still miss her while I am at work and can't wait to get home to see her. I know when we get ready to make the jump that she will be the best mom. I can't begin to express what she means to me. I guess I will put it simply and say that I love her and am thankful for everything she does and is.

That was the easy one; the no brainer, if you will. The next thing I am thankful for would be my faith. My relationship with my God means so much to me. It is something that is constantly on my mind and something I try to improve on a regular basis. I will be perfectly honest and say that I usually fail. I am very rough around the edges and would surprise some if they found out how important it is to me, although at the same time I feel that is part of my charm. I am so thankful for the relationship I have with the Savior and with my Heavenly Father. I don't like to get preachy, especially on the internets (please disregard my semi-religious rant from a month or two ago, I admit it was a mistake) so I will leave it to that.

Thats two. Hmm, what is next? Ah yes, my job. Despite the minor issues I have with my current place of work, I am very thankful to have a job that lets me pay my bills and get sushi now and again. In these economic times a lot of people can not say that. I suppose this also includes and goes hand in hand with my education. I wouldn't be able to have a job like my current one with out my education. I like to poke fun at accounting, but I am so thankful that I have my degree. So many people are going through tough times and it is a gigantic blessing to not only have a job that pays the bills, but to enjoy your coworkers (generally speaking, not specifically. I work with some weirdos) and the work environment is a pretty sweet bonus. Did I happen to mention that I work less than 15 minutes from my home? Quite the oddity here in SoCal.

I suppose I could go on but when your iPod is #4 on the list do you really want to hear about the rest? I think not. I hope everyone who reads this has a fantastic Thanksgiving and remembers all the blessings in their lives. For those who don't read this, I hope you all have a terrible holiday weekend. Just kidding. :)

FunFact: I was friends with Charles Schultz's grandson in when I was in Chicago. I met his mom and asked her what it was like growing up with Charles Schultz as a Dad and all she said was, "Wah wah wah whah Wah wah."

PS Black Friday is for chumps. I am staying in all day.

Forever the Saddest Day

Thrice on Halloween

Today I got some terrible news that absolutely rocked my world and inevitably ruined my morning and day. My favorite band, Thrice, will be (kind of) calling it quits. I say kind of, because in a message to the fans, lead singer Dustin Kensrue starts off by saying "Thrice is not breaking up." He then follows it up with a long soliloquy(probably not the best word to describe but damnit its a great word) about how they are no longer going to be a full time touring and recording band. He apparently has 3 children all under the age of 5 and is having a hard time being away from them. Their other guitar player, Teppei, also has similar concerns. They will also be stepping away from the band for awhile, even in a part time sense.

Ugh. While I can understand and appreciate the idea of wanting to be with your family, I can't help but to be sad at the lack of new Thrice material and live shows on a regular basis. All I can think of is another favorite band of mine, Hot Water Music, and how they did something similar. After their last album in 2004, one of their 2 frontmen left the band and started putting out acoustic albums touring with folk artists. The rest of the band forged on as The Draft. While both projects were noteworthy, especially some of Chuck Ragan's solo stuff, it was never as good as Hot Water Music. (Update: recent news have HWM reunited and putting out a new album in early 2012. Excelsior!)

I'm sure Thrice will continue to put out music in some form, but I will miss these heydays of the last 13 years I have been a fan. Dustin has released 2 solo albums already that I love (one being a great Christmas album if you are looking for some good Holiday music), and other members have released a few smaller samples of what might be coming in the future. I can only hope that these somehow tide me over in the absence of my favorite band. For now I feel like this little girl.

If you are unfamiliar with their work check out the links below to become acquainted with what I consider one of the best bands of my generation.

Thrice - In Exile - A great song for everyone. Off the album before the one that was just released.

Thrice - Promises - This is the single off their new one. I like this lyric video better than the actual music video.

Thrice - Digital Sea - This is off their Alchemy Index series. This song blew my mind the first time I heard it. So different for them, especially at the time.

Dustin Kensrue - Pistol - This is off of Dustin's solo album. The lady and I danced to this at our wedding reception. Ah memories....

Far From Interesting?

I have been visiting quite a few different blogs lately in effort to expand my fan base, or should I say CREATE my fan base. I'm not exactly sure how many people are reading right now, but I do know that most readers are either to shy (I refuse to think lazy) to comment, or my writing isn't good enough to warrant commenting. That last thought makes me want to kick rocks. For the few that have been reading, you know that I have only been back blogging for a few months now (not exactly sure how many months. No more than 6 though). Since I have been back, I haven't felt "in the zone" like I did during Round 1 of this blog. Round 1 took place my senior year of college (end of '07 and beginning of '08) and in my opinion was a lot better of a read. Use your own judgement on the definition of better. That might have been because my life was more exciting then, but I think a large part of it had to do with being in school and using my mind in a critical way on a daily basis.

In reading these other blogs it made me wonder, do I even want the masses to read my terrible excuse for writing? Some of the blogs I read had snappy names or polished looking titles and backgrounds. Some were more simplistic and minimalist in nature. They all, however, had one thing in common: good writing and interesting stories. I guess that is two things. I always thought I was a pretty good writer, especially when I compared my writing to my peers in school (accounting majors are surprisingly not well written, or well spoken for that matter). I am now second guessing myself and what I am putting out there. I can see the obvious stumbles, especially some of the recent posts (I learned to never talk about religion again), but do I need fine tooth comb this bad boy before I release it in the wild? Does that last sentence even make sense? I digress. Its now 12:30 in the AM and I have to wake up in 6 hours to hit the gym with my brother who is in town from Denver.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I think I need to give this little blog a bit more form. My posts have always been very erratic and about anything and everything. Maybe I need to whittle it down to a more concise vision. What do you all think? I promise to think about it and come back prepared for the future. Your comments are always appreciated and dually noted. Also, does Far From Refuge need a facelift? I somewhat like that basic set up that is going on here but maybe some pop would do it good.

Friend Makin Monday: Dating

I found this thing on another blog (alltheweigh.com) and thought it might be fun. Lets see.

FMM: Dating

What is your current relationship status? (Be as specific as you’d like to be!) Married! Been married for a little over a year now and its glorious.
List a few qualities that you look for in a significant other...Most of the qualities I seek revolve around being able to stand me and my humor, or in my wife's case actually like the weird natural way I am. I also love a girl who is outgoing and confident. Tall of course. Physically I like them curvy. :)
If you could choose to date one character in TV or film, who would you choose? And which characteristics are most appealing? Does Kim Kardashian count as a character (my wife is going to kill me)? If not, then I would pick Gloria from Modern Family. Do I really need to explain why?
How long should you date before becoming exclusive? The shorter the better in my opinion. But I guess its up to the couple.
What are your thoughts on public displays of affection? Definitely down to hold hands and some pecking. Anything past that is a bit much for me.
Do you kiss on the first date? Ask the wife. :)
Biggest turn-off? Cockiness. I guess in women it would be referred to as bitchiness.
What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? I'll be honest, somewhere between the face and boobs. I'm a guy. It just depends on what is more striking.
How long do you/did you wait before becoming intimate? I am proud to say that the lady and I waited until marriage. It was a tuff time for sure. There were some heated make out sessions.
Describe your dream date. I know this is going to sound cheesy (Ash loves that about me), but to be perfectly honest, my dream date would be my wife's dream date. Not too sure what that is, but whatever would be her dream date would be mine. I honestly don't think I could enjoy myself to fullest doing what I REALLY love to do while my wife was there. Let me explain. I love music. Most of it my wife isn't into. My dream date would revolve around seeing one of my favorite bands live or something with a special dinner. I don't know, I am not that creative. But the lady wouldn't really enjoy that, which would make me enjoy it less. I would more enjoy doing whatever she wanted to do. Gaga concert and sushi maybe? Who knows. I just like to spend time with her. That was a longer answer than I anticipated.

Second to One

Tonight was my last softball game of the season and for 2011 (except for the tournament we might play). With our team, Moose Knuckles, winning the summer league, we had high hopes for this season. With a win tonight and a loss by the 1st place team we would have captured the crown again. We put the hurt on Tiki Bar, the team we played, and won 25-7. Unfortunately, we didn't get any help and the 1st place team won their game as well. It wasn't meant to be apparently. Here is the team celebrating our second place finish at Gina's Pizza in Irvine.

There I am with kiddy cup in hand. The waitress thought it would be funny to bring me a milk since I was the only one not drinking. Everyone had a good laugh.

A Bit of Inspiration

Tonight I found myself reading my friend Tim's blog which documents his tremendous journey from being over 400 pounds to his now weight of 245 pounds. When Tim and his family moved into our ward earlier this year I had the pleasure of helping them empty out their moving truck into their house. Back then he was still pretty big, although he has told me that he had lost 100 pounds by then. I remember his first or second week at church someone had confused us and thought I was him. I think he was probably around 350 or so at the time. I remember thinking, "Are you freaking kidding me? Dude is WAY bigger than me." Smash cut to now and Tim is now a slim 245 at 6 ft. 4 in., and still losing. He told me last night his target weight is around 220. Meanwhile, I am the same weight I was then, if not maybe heavier. I would KILL for someone to mistake us now. Haha. SWEET IRONY!!!

The best thing about Tim's story is that he is one of the nicest, most genuine people you will ever meet. He is also one of my favorite types of Mormon, which is the kind that is super solid and emanates what it means to be a Christian without throwing it in your face or coming off as judgmental. His approach to fitness and weight-loss is very similar to his approach to religion. If you ask him about it he is more than willing to share his story, secrets, and fitness plan, but he doesn't come off as a fitness/diet no it all that I have run into too many times. He is truly inspiring, so much so that it is 9:30 PM on a Friday and I am contemplating on hitting the gym. I think not tonight, as I will most likely lose my parking spot and be forced to park on the street (blasted apartment complex parking), but definitely first thing tomorrow morning.

One last thing about his blog that made me think. In one of his posts he talked about when he was obese he would avoid looking at pictures of himself or looking in the mirror. When he would look at pictures he would think about how this shirt made him look fat or this angle made him look fat, never thinking that it was the 400+ pounds that was making him look fat. This idea is further expressed by people saying that the camera adds 10 pounds when it is more likely that the people looking at the picture have an image of themselves as 10 pounds lighter. I couldn't agree more with this. I am often in denial about the way I look. I think oh I'm not THAT big. I hold it well. Or some other lie. It is only when I really look at old pictures of myself that I realize what I have become. Its time for change. Tomorrow is a new day. Time to get to work.

Here is a link to Tim's blog for those of you who are interested. I will also add it to the list of blogs I frequent on the right hand column.

http://tiniertim.wordpress.com/

Bane and Defeater @ Chain Reaction

Its been a week since last Saturday's show and my blood is still pumping from it. It was, to simply put, AMAZING! I couldn't have asked for a better hardcore show. The show was completely sold out so Chain Reaction was packed to brim of mostly high school and college kids and a few old men like Mike and myself. We got there early so we decided to grab some grub as we both had not eaten yet. We started walking down the block and found what we were both longing for; a hole in the wall Mexican joint that made some bomb burritos. It hit the spot. After I stuffed my face with what was sure to be an intestinal disaster hours later, we headed back to Chain Reaction. As we were walking up to the place we passed a guy unloading equipment from a van. The guy caught eyes with Mike and said,"Hey man, hows it going? How've you been?" Mike responded that he was good and we kept walking. I said,"Do you know that guy?" Yes. "Who is he?" The guitar player for Bane. He didn't say anything but I saw a slight glint in his eye that spoke volumes. So proud. haha. Mike is 34 I think and has been in the hardcore scene for a long time and has subsequently met a lot of people. Even in my 28 years, I was kind of impressed that he knew the guy. Bane is from Boston and is pretty legendary in the hardcore circles.

The opening bands were actually pretty good. There was a band named Miles Away, from miles away in Australia, that rocked it pretty hard. The frontman was pretty insane though. I leaned over to Mike and commented that he looked like he survived Auschwitz. Kinda tall and super skinny. He looked like he might have MS or something. No pictures sorry. The band directly before Defeater was Rotting Out and they were from San Pedro I believe. Everyone in the band was Mexican which is odd for a hardcore band. They are kind of up and coming and the kids went insane for them. We were both kind of surprised. Not really my type of hardcore though. To groove oriented for me.

Defeater was on next. Their new album has been in heavy rotation on my iPod for the last 6 months and to say I had high expectations would not be an understatement. I was not let down. They played a good amount of songs from each of their 3 releases, and played a good number of my favorites. My only complaint would be that since they weren't the headliner they only played for about 30 or 40 minutes. I was good to hear about twice as much from them.

The kids went crazy for them, as you can see in a lot of these pictures.

Mike took a 30 second video of the opening song. As you can see it gets pretty crazy. Still pumped up from it.

After Defeater finished, Bane took the stage and tore shiz up! There is a reason this band has rocking stages around the world for the last 15 years. I was really impressed with their entire stage presence. The crowd went insane for them which made it even more fun to watch. All in all it was a great time and a show I won't forget for a while. Next up is Thrice and La Dispute this coming week. Stay tuned for that.

Occupy Mosh Pit

This Saturday I will (hopefully) be in the middle of a crazy hardcore show at my local venue Chain Reaction. On the agenda? Only one of the most influential and epic hardcore bands in the last 10 years or so and one of hardcore's most promising up and comers. Headlining the show is seminal straight edge hardcore band Bane. To say I am stoked to see them play is an understatement. They haven't released an album since 2005 but they still tour here and there. Opening for them is one of my favorite new bands, Defeater. Defeater's new one, Empty Days and Sleepless Nights, has been blowing my mind since they released it earlier this year and will most likely land atop my Top 10 list for the year. It should be a hell of a time. Luckily I won't have to enjoy it alone as one of Ash's coworkers who has become a friend of mine is coming with. I almost punched a hole in my wall at work today while listening to Defeater and getting pumped up for the show. I will try to capture some pictures at the show and post them on here.

A Meal with the Missionaries

Today I took the local Missionaries out to lunch at In 'N Out. I had a pretty dang good time with them. They are both greenies (the trainer has been out I think 3 months and his greenie has been out about a month) so it was fun to chit chat with them about mission life and what not. It is so weird that they are both 19, making me 9 years their elder, and yet I feel like we are about the same age. On the flip side, I remember being on my mission and being around guys in their late 20's and thinking they were SO much older than me. Do they look at me that way? Am I the old guy trying to hold on to his youth? Possibly.

Regardless, I had a good time with them talking about their investigators, their mission president, and just their missions in general. Even though I have only been home from my mission for 7 years, quite a bit has changed since I was out. All the teaching materials I used have completely been swapped out for a new system. New guidelines and new rules have been instated. Even the overall outlook and attitudes of the leadership has changed. This is all on top of the change of stance on the use of technology. Even though there was email, cell phones, internet, and the like when I was out, there was a strict policy against using such things. Only 7 years later missionaries are allowed to email home and use cell phones to help with there work (they can even text!). It makes me wonder how much more technology will be used in the future. Will every missionary be assigned a laptop/iPad to do all their studying and scheduling on? Kind of a cool thing to think about actually.

While talking to the Elders I couldn't help but feel bitter about not being able to use all these things when I was out. We had all the same technology and yet were not permitted to use it. Its another bullet point in my mind on the list of evidence that NOT EVERYTHING the church/church leaders do is inspired. The two places I feel like this is apparent most is in the mission field and at BYU. A lot of the mission rules and BYU rules really make me scratch my head. When I here some ridiculous rule I think, "Is this really inspired by the spirit, or was it instilled by some crazy hardcore mormon who thinks all their ideas are doctrine (i.e. no beards at BYU)." I think some of these people mean well, especially in the mission area, but are just misguided in their attempts. It also creates a problem when people that attend BYU or missionaries on their mission, think that everything their leaders do is right and inspired by the spirit when that isn't the case. One of the great things about this gospel is that we recognize that not only are the scriptures fallible, but our leaders are fallible as well. We know that not everything the prophet and apostles say is doctrine and is correct, much less mission presidents, stake presidents, BYU school officials, and everyone below these people (I urge people to read a 1st edition copy of Mormon Doctirne by Bruce R. McConkie for some evidence). That might sound like a bad thing to some people but I think its a great principle. We are left to use the spirit and to live the lives that WE want to live. What is right and good for one, might not be right and good for another. With the spirit we can discern what is right and good for ourselves and our families, or our missions.

Far From Refuge

a blog about nothing.