Far From Refuge

Ok, I might be the only one who does this and am probably setting myself up for humiliation but....does anyone else fart in their sleep?  How do I know I fart in my sleep? Well two ways actually.  First, I believe Ash has told me that I have, so there's that. More importantly though, I have woken myself up multiple time from farting, most notably last night.  I think the funniest thing about it is that when I wake up and realize that not only did I fart, but I also woke myself up with the fart, I am instantly embarrassed.  I think to myself, "Did anyone hear that? Or more importantly, can anyone smell that?"  

The most memorable story I have took place in Utah while I was in school.  I was staying up in Park City with some friends at a timeshare someone's parents had paid for but didn't use.  We all just ended up sleeping on the floor and couches.  On this particular night I had a crazy amount of gas.  I'm talking like "first date with a girl, holding it in the entire night, and letting it go on the way home after you have dropped off your date" type of gas.  All you guys out there know what I am talking about.  After everything settled down we all went to bed with me not getting a chance to "relieve" the pressure.  Oh yeah, did I happen to mention the girl sleeping relatively close to me was someone who I liked at the time and was working up the courage to ask out?  I am sure you all can guess what happened.  I was able to curb the gas while awake, but when my mind went night night it screwed me.  Apparently when you have a large amount of gas it is tough to hold it in when you are not conscious.  This particular sleep fart was not quiet.  It was very loud.  Like air horn loud.  Like those horns at the World Cup. Remember those? Vuvuzelas.  Yeah, it sounded like a vuvuzela.  And it happened more than once.  Three times actually,  if I remember correctly.  Not sure if anyone ever heard it or knew who it was.  I never asked and didn't want to know.