Timeline Flashbacks

Facebook has now added the Timeline feature and it allows you to see your entire history with the site.  Every post.  Every status.  Every tagged or uploaded picture.  I started playing around with it tonight and was blown away by all the old memories.  Most notably, I saw a lot of posts from or related to an old friend, a best friend in fact.  It has been a year and half since we had a falling out and I don't think I am over it yet.  I still think of him and about the whole situation quite often.  I thought I would be over it all by now, but for some reason it lingers with me.  Seeing all these old posts and pictures on Facebook makes the memories that much more vivid, and ultimately floods my mind with emotion.  Anger? Yeah a bit.  Pain? Yes.  Mostly though, I just miss our friendship.

The hard thing is that there is zero chance of reconciliation, if I even wanted it.   Most of me screams against any such notion.  There is no going back.  What's done is done and can't be undone.  There is, however,  a sliver of me, a small part that wants my friend back.  The interests and experiences I shared with this friend are pretty much exclusive.  No one else can replace him.  Now that he is gone, I almost feel like a small part of those experiences are gone too.  Typing that out and reading it sounds weird, but I don't know how else to put it.

I can't help but to think it is really unfortunate the way things went down.  When I say unfortunate, I mean downright shitty.  Its weird to think that because of one experience that a 10 year friendship can be destroyed.  What if things had gone down differently? Who knows?  I don't.  I have definitely thought about it enough.  Its been a year and a half, and I still think about it constantly.  If I am being perfectly honest (which is what we are supposed to be on our blog right?), I have had multiple dreams about a confrontation with him.  When I say multiple I don't mean 2 or 3.  Probably more around 20 to 30.  The entire thing haunts my friggin dreams.  Will I ever get over this?  I hope so.  My sleep depends on it.  :)

For now, it is Christmas weekend and I am looking forward to the time spent around my family, friends, and most importantly, the lady.  I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend and appreciates the family and friendships they do have.

P.S. Sorry for the quasi depressing post.  I think it is just something I have been thinking about for a long time and needed to get out of my head and onto paper(screen).

1 Comment »

  • I have had somewhat the same thing happen with a friend, and the friendship went down in flames over something really (to me) inconsequential. Time has a way of mellowing the anger and hurt. You'll have new adventures and new people in your life that will dim the memory. But when you really allow yourself to think about it, what happens over time is that a kind of sadness replaces the anger. It's too bad when pride takes over like that. Nothing good is accomplished but there's not much you can do about it except to move on and live well.

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