Far From Refuge

Everyone keeps asking me for pictures of myself, so once again I'm sorry I don't have any. To my defense I don't really like to hand my camera to someone and say, "Hey, will you take a picture of me?" That and I haven't really done anything lately that has warranted any pictures. So sorry. I'll try to do something soon that I can make an excuse to take pictures for. I've been wanting to go to the Great Salt Lake around Saltair lately, maybe i'll do it and take some photos.

So I gave a talk in church today for the first time in like 2 years. It was way weird. I think it is kind of an anomaly that I love being the center of attention in groups, but formal presentations or talks make me so nervous. I think the worst part about it is that I always feel that I did a horrible job and then everyone comes up to me after and says how great it was. You may ask yourself, "Wouldn't that make you feel better?" Not so. I can never tell if they are being genuine or if they just feel like they have to comment so they are nice and compliment it rather than tell me how boring/horrible it was. I think this because it is exactly what I do to other people. Don't judge me! Everyone does it, and its exactly why I don't like to give talks. Its takes a lot for someone to convince me that it was actually good. Also, what makes it worse is that I am one to constantly seek approval from people and they know this, so they lie. Or maybe they don't and it really was good. I don't know. I just think maybe I would rather have someone honestly tell me it sounded jumbled and boring than lie to me. I digress.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about graduation and how excited I am for it. It feels like yesterday that I was at my first day of school at Fullerton College. One two-year mission, 3 schools, 7 years, and loads of friends and experiences later, the time has come for me to throw on my cap and gown and take a step into the next stage of life. ITS SO WEIRD!!! I can hardly think about it without scratching my head as to how I did it. And accounting? I would have never though I would do accounting in high school. Now two months lie between me and that fateful day. God willing I pass all 7 of my classes I'm back to my roots under the sunshine of SoCal, hopefully to pass the CPA exam and then start a career. I think what weirds me out the most is that I still feel like the kid who can go punk and hardcore shows at the local club and fit right in. Maybe that feeling will never leave. I almost hope it doesn't. I never want to transform into something that I despised as a kid. Something tells me that won't happen. The funny thing is that as I go see bands play now, especially those with a younger fan base, I find myself being the 24 year-old guy that is 6 to 10 years older than most of the kids there that I used to make fun of. "Grow up," I used to say to my buddies in response to seeing those guys. I laugh now thinking about it. Anyways, as I enter into the big kid world of careers and responsibility, I hope to keep the excitement and enthusiasm that I hold right now. Sorry if this blog seems jumbled, but I am just somewhat writing my thoughts down as they come.

Well, it is now 1 AM and I have set a new curfew for myself to be in bed by to keep myself healthy and well-rested these last few months. So I must bid you fond adieu and resolve the evening for its best tidings. One last thing. As I have been typing this I have been listening to Nickel Creek and have enjoyed it thoroughly. Check them out if you are into a laid back blue-grass feel. Good stuff.

So every in my life is pretty much the same as it has been for a while so I decided to write about a few exciting things in Southern California sports.

First off, THE LAKERS ARE BACK!!! I can't tell you how excited I am that the Lakers are finally legitimate contenders after being sub-par for 3 years. I realize for all you people out that are not Laker fans, that this sounds absurd and selfish. But I have to say that when you live in Southern California there are two things you should always be able to count on. The first one is sunshine. The second one is the Lakers kicking ace in the NBA. I know they are the Yankees of the NBA, but come on, who am I supposed to root for, the Clippers? Who likes the Clippers? They are like the red-headed step child of L.A. basketball. Let me rephrase that, the Clippers are like the red-headed step child of the entire NBA. Sorry Clipps fans, but they suck. Anywho, with the addition of Pau Gasol, as well as the emergence Andrew Bynum, the Lakers have set themselves a top the NBA. Oh yeah, did I mention that they pimp slapped the Suns tonight, who also just added Shaq to their roster? So with Shaq joining the Suns, a Pacific division rival, there are sure to be some good match ups in the season thats left, as well as the post season. Can you think of a Western Conference Final that puts Kobe vs Shaq? Amazing is the only word that comes to mind.



OK, on to the topic of night. BASEBALL BABY!! Words cannot describe how excited I am for baseball season. I find myself on ESPN.com and MLB.com every day reading articles on baseball. I would hope everyone reading this knows I am Dodger fan. My father grew up a Brooklyn Dodgers fan and followed them when they came to L.A. So like the father that he was, he raised to be a Dodger fan. Now, growing up in Orange County, 10 minutes from Anaheim stadium, I also developed a love for the Angels. Most Dodger fans would find this to be blasphemy, as would most Angels fans, but my argument is that they play in different leagues. Needless to say that I am very excited about both teams this year. Not only do the Dodgers have a few youngsters coming up (James Loney, Matt Kemp), but they picked up Andruw Jones from the Braves off free agency. Jones had a rough year last year but assuming that he'll return to form the Dodgers finally have a big bat as well as a few others with Loney and Kemp coming into their own. How well the Dodgers will do, with the strength of the NL West, is not agreed upon by analysts, but considering their strong pitching and strong line-up I can see them going deep into the playoffs. The Angels ave a strong line-up as well. They added Tori Hunter in center field and Jon Garland to their rotation. Both are strong pick-ups and I think will be difference makers in the season and the playoffs. Not only am I excited for the 6 freeway series games that put the Dodgers against the Angels, but I am also psyched about the small possibility of an L.A. World Series. Its going to be a good summer for sports. Who needs an NFL team?

In absence of anything important or significant to talk about, I decided to update everyone a little bit on what is generally going on in my life. By the way, the picture is of Thrice and holds no significance to anything being discussed. I just think its a sweet picture and wanted to include some visual stimuli because looking at only words is boring. You'll also notice that I now have some tunes on in the background. I hope everyone likes them. Im sure you can check anyone of them on myspace if you like them. All them are also on itunes save for Radiohead. I kept it light in respect to most of my audience, or congregation as I like to call you, and because I wanted my blog to have a kick back chill feel to it. Moving along!

BODY FOR LIFE! is going swimmingly! I don't have an exact number on how much I have lost so far but its somewhere between 15 and 20 pounds (probably closer 20). Not bad for under a month and a half if I do say so myself. I am trying be a little more hardcore this week so I can see more/better results. The great thing is that I have been lifting weights a lot too, so the actual poundage of fat that I have lost is WAY more 20 lbs. I have already started to see a difference in the way I look and especially in the way my clothes fit. Those of you who last saw me at Christmas should see a huge change by the time graduation comes.

SCHOOL! This semester has definitely been tough thus far. A lot of time is spent reading and doing homework as well as with my online classes. One thing that takes an enormous amount of time is meeting with groups. Two of my classes rely heavily on group work so around two nights a week I have to meet with my groups. This obviously takes away from work time.

WORK! Still at the Mac Shack. The venture working for my friend Dan didn't work out. No time. But on the bright side, he has some work for me that I can do from home whenever I have free time so that can get me some extra cash. I am finding it harder and harder to find time to work other than Friday and Saturday night. Basically as of late, my Fridays and Saturdays consist of me working till 9:30 or 10 and then heading to the gym. What a social life!

It started to warm up the past couple of days, but unfortunately it is cold once again and it will probably snow tonight. Woo Hoo! It will make SoCal in April that much sweeter, right? Right. Thats my rationale for now.

Thats about it for now. For everyone who reads this lowly and humble, thank you once again. Its nice to know that people actually have an interest in what I am saying enough to read it. Don't feel the need to comment every single post I do, but a comment here and there is much appreciated. If nothing else just to know who is reading. If you don't have a google account to sign in with to comment, just shoot me an email sometime to let me know what you think. My email is ScottHayden83@gmail.com. Thanks again everyone for reading and all the great compliments and comments. Stay Classy.

Tonight I went up to Salt Lake (or the big city as we like to call it) with Donnie and Cory. We had intentions of filming a movie essentially about ourselves starring ourselves but soon realized that we needed at least one more person to complete the process. So we ended up just hanging out up there. We ate pizza at The Pie, which is the best pizza ever. I think I have a pretty good knowledge of pizza having worked at 5 different pizza places in my life. You know its a lot when you have to stop and actually think about and name out loud all the places to remember them all. Anyways, after that we went to Barnes and Noble and had some hot chocolate and talked amongst friends. I'd like to add that it is very awkward to make eye contact with a girl that you absolutely despise with all your being. We ended up seeing a girl there I had been on a few dates with and subsequently have bad feelings towards. I'm sure I have shared the story with many, if not all of you. Anywho, the rest of the night was spent in Cory's mom's hot tub talking about life. I have a lot of good friends and some I would consider really good friends. I don't know if there is a hierarchy of friends or anything, but Cory has definitely become part of an elite group of people in my life that I would consider best friends. I was actually somewhat giddy on the way to his mom's house because I knew I was going to get to talk with him and it would be a good conversation between the two of us. There are a few other people who I get like that with and they are back in California. So, all in all, it was a fun filled night topped off with some talk of life, spirituality, and yes music.

I have been thinking a lot, recently, about life and the experiences we go through and the people we meet along the way. The main cause of these thoughts is a movie called Into the Wild that I watched the other day (the picture to the left is of the main character in one of my favorite shots of the movie). Now, I know that I jibber-jabber a lot about this movie and that movie, but this one is quite different. Very rarely, VERY RARELY, does a movie come along that changes the I think and act. I watch a lot of movies and, at least for me, I can say that it is rare. Into the Wild is one of those movies. I don't want to get into the whole gist of the movie. You can watch it if you are so inclined. Suffice it to say that is incredibly good and I consider it one of the best movies I have ever seen, if not the #1 best I have ever seen. The movie in a nutshell follows a guy, about my age, as he forgets society and goes on a trip to Alaska to live "in the wild". Half the movie is about his journey to Alaska and the other half takes place in Alaska when he is living in the wild. The whole movie he is looking for happiness and figures that when he is in Alaska he will find it being among the trees and animals in God's country away from society. On the way he meets a number of different people and has some great experiences with them where he both learns from people and vice versa. I don't want to ruin the movie or ending but the most moving part of the movie comes at the end. He has been in Alaska longer than 100 days and is growing weak. He comes to an understanding or has an epiphany of some sorts and writes, "Happiness is only real when shared." So he comes to understand that life isn't about the destination, its about the journey. All those experiences he had along the way to Alaska were the happiness he was seeking, not the actual experience of Alaska itself.

Like I said earlier, this movie really hit me. It got me thinking about what kind of life I am leading. When the movie first started I mentioned to my friend Donnie about how what this guy was doing was a lot of guys our age dream. I then commented, "Yeah, I couldn't do it alone though. I would need someone to share the experience with." That was at the beginning of the movie mind you. I was thinking about the blog I posted yesterday and basically whole attitude towards Utah in general. I am actually kind of ashamed of myself. I don't really think I am alone there though. I think a lot of us look at our current situations and just make the worst of it. We complain about whatever is going on that isn't good, when there are so many other good things going on. Instead of enjoying the journey and the experiences I am looking ahead to Alaska (or California in my case). Oh when I get to California it will be so much better. Instead of, Man, Utah has really treated me well. I've made tons of friends here that hopefully I will keep in contact with for the rest of my life. I have had a load of learning and growing experiences that have helped me become a better man. Regardless of the cold, regardless of the snow, regardless of lame serving jobs and school, I am really going to miss a lot about Utah.

What is it about friends that they are always leaving and changing? Tonight, I hung out with two good friends of mine, Steve and Amy. Steve was my very first roommate when I moved out here. I still would have to say to this day that Steve is probably still my favorite roommate ever. I have had a lot of good roommates but he, I think, is my favorite. Anyways, they are moving to Texas this weekend to be closer to her family and to be able to buy a home and what not. The whole night was spent reminiscing about past memories, inside jokes, and plans for the future. I really haven't had that much fun in a while. It makes me sad to think that I could never see them again. Possibly they might come out to California for a Disneyland trip, but maybe not. The point is that it saddened me to think of not seeing them ever again, but it makes me smile to think of the times we did share. When I was driving home I thought a lot about what it will be like when I move back to California. Will that feeling return 10 fold, or will I be relieved, or both? I hope I am able to look back on my experiences here with a smile and without too many regrets. I hope people feel somewhat of loss when I leave like I am feeling right now. Not that I want people to be sad or anything, but I think its always a good thing when people care about you enough that when you are leaving they are sad. I hope the experiences that I have had with my friends here will last with them as I'm sure they'll last with me. Happiness truly is only real when shared.

Ok, I swear my car looks like this every morning. Every morning I have to one, many, or all of the following: brush the first layer of snow of my car, the scrape the ice off the windows, and shovel the driveway (or at least my half). Its absolutely ridiculous. Thats all on top of the bundling up I have to do before I go outside so I don't freeze to death. You may be saying, oh its only a few times a month you have to do that. NOPE! I swear its more than half the time. I swear Utah nature knows I'm on my last nerve with this state and it decided to give me the worst winter ever to piss me off. It has not gotten warmer or less snowy since it started; just constant snow and cold. And furthermore, have you ever tried drive with snow on the ground without sunglasses on? Its absolutely blinding. You may ask yourself, "Why don't you just wear sunglasses, Scott?" It is so cold outside that the inside of my car is cold enough to fog up sunglasses. By the time the temperature is moderate enough to put them on, I'm usually just about to where I am going. So that is my dilemma. I don't think I have ever wanted to be done with something like I want to be done with Utah. Im seriously over it here. I want to be done with school, and back in the warmth. Less than 3 months left. I'll be home before I know it. Until then, I am forced to press on through this icy tundra hell I like to call Provo, Utah 2008. Wish me luck.