Far From Refuge

Everyone keeps asking me for pictures of myself, so once again I'm sorry I don't have any. To my defense I don't really like to hand my camera to someone and say, "Hey, will you take a picture of me?" That and I haven't really done anything lately that has warranted any pictures. So sorry. I'll try to do something soon that I can make an excuse to take pictures for. I've been wanting to go to the Great Salt Lake around Saltair lately, maybe i'll do it and take some photos.

So I gave a talk in church today for the first time in like 2 years. It was way weird. I think it is kind of an anomaly that I love being the center of attention in groups, but formal presentations or talks make me so nervous. I think the worst part about it is that I always feel that I did a horrible job and then everyone comes up to me after and says how great it was. You may ask yourself, "Wouldn't that make you feel better?" Not so. I can never tell if they are being genuine or if they just feel like they have to comment so they are nice and compliment it rather than tell me how boring/horrible it was. I think this because it is exactly what I do to other people. Don't judge me! Everyone does it, and its exactly why I don't like to give talks. Its takes a lot for someone to convince me that it was actually good. Also, what makes it worse is that I am one to constantly seek approval from people and they know this, so they lie. Or maybe they don't and it really was good. I don't know. I just think maybe I would rather have someone honestly tell me it sounded jumbled and boring than lie to me. I digress.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about graduation and how excited I am for it. It feels like yesterday that I was at my first day of school at Fullerton College. One two-year mission, 3 schools, 7 years, and loads of friends and experiences later, the time has come for me to throw on my cap and gown and take a step into the next stage of life. ITS SO WEIRD!!! I can hardly think about it without scratching my head as to how I did it. And accounting? I would have never though I would do accounting in high school. Now two months lie between me and that fateful day. God willing I pass all 7 of my classes I'm back to my roots under the sunshine of SoCal, hopefully to pass the CPA exam and then start a career. I think what weirds me out the most is that I still feel like the kid who can go punk and hardcore shows at the local club and fit right in. Maybe that feeling will never leave. I almost hope it doesn't. I never want to transform into something that I despised as a kid. Something tells me that won't happen. The funny thing is that as I go see bands play now, especially those with a younger fan base, I find myself being the 24 year-old guy that is 6 to 10 years older than most of the kids there that I used to make fun of. "Grow up," I used to say to my buddies in response to seeing those guys. I laugh now thinking about it. Anyways, as I enter into the big kid world of careers and responsibility, I hope to keep the excitement and enthusiasm that I hold right now. Sorry if this blog seems jumbled, but I am just somewhat writing my thoughts down as they come.

Well, it is now 1 AM and I have set a new curfew for myself to be in bed by to keep myself healthy and well-rested these last few months. So I must bid you fond adieu and resolve the evening for its best tidings. One last thing. As I have been typing this I have been listening to Nickel Creek and have enjoyed it thoroughly. Check them out if you are into a laid back blue-grass feel. Good stuff.